[Episode 18] The Realities Of Gender Policing In The Trans And Gender Diverse Community

by | May 29, 2020

This episode we will be looking at gender identity and understanding that any identity you explore is valid and you can totally change it however many times you like until you find the ways that help you feel good about you.

There is no single way to do gender. It is the most personal adventure you may ever go on.

There is definitely nothing wrong with exploring all the possibilities of how you may choose to identify.

I have seen so many different gender non confirming people sharing their stories about how they had begun exploring their gender identity within the binary. Some of them had pursued surgical avenues or started hormones.

But as they learned more about themselves and experienced the world and grew as people, they felt that their initial transition choices to live a trans binary identity was not aligning with who they felt they were becoming.

What my gender anarchist kin experienced from members of the Trans binary community was that it wasn’t ok at all to transition away from the binary, if they had already transitioned within it.


A transfeminine non-binary person and transmasculine gender-nonconforming person looking at a phone with upset expressions.


A transfeminine non-binary person and transmasculine gender-nonconforming person looking at a phone with upset expressions.

There is a view from some binary Trans folks that if a person transitions within the binary but then continues to transition and move beyond the binary, that they are “Trenders”.

A Trender is someone who does things or acts in a way that is socially perceived as trending at a certain time.

So what these binary Trans folks are saying is that if a person initially transitions within the binary but then transitions again, to express a gender non conforming identity, this person is simply following trends and their identity is fake.

Now I don’t know about you, but that is a totally unacceptable view to have in my opinion. This is gender policing. It’s ultra harmful for members of the gender diverse community.


A person can express their gender identity or any identity really, any ploppin way they like. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks or whether anyone else understands.

We are not here to justify our self-expression to folks within the binary and we do not have to pick a label and fulfil a stereotype based on that choice.

A person that lives beyond the binary does NOT have to be androgynous. They can present themselves to the world in any way they like.

There is a huge difference between feeling that you fit within the binary or even fluctuate within it for my genderfluid kin out there, and wearing clothes that society has labelled as men’s or women’s.

There is definitely NOT a rule that says once you’ve picked an identity that you have to live with it for forever and ever and it can never change.

Seriously, how inflexible is that. You are not a trender if you decide to change your self expression.

Our identities can change as we grow and experience new things in our lives and allowing our self expression to develop with that is just healthy!

You can choose any pronouns, combination of pronouns or lack of pronouns that you feel good about. This goes for your sexual identity as well.

You do not have to explain or justify who you are to any person. And if they are someone from the TGD community then shame on them for contributing to the toxic cycles that perpetuates the current socially enforced gender binary that we a made to exist within.

There is so much hurt within our community. We are all in this together. What we need to do is show respect and compassion for one another.

Fear drives so many people to lash out, even if it’s causing harm to themselves and their own community.

The challenges faced by the entire Trans and Gender Diverse community from the general population is already hard enough. Finding validation of identities from cis het (cis-gendered heterosexual) folks is an ongoing process.

We all need to support each other and work together. A person transitioning from trans binary to gender diverse does not diminish the trans binary community.


A group of friends of varying genders taking a group selfie.


A group of friends of varying genders taking a group selfie.

It builds us up. Do you know why? Because when our community can live aligned with their identity it makes us all stronger.

A trans binary identity is not better than a gender non conforming identity and that goes the other way as well. Any way a person chooses to identify is perfect for them.

Show compassion to the people that may be challenged by the experiences of others (this doesn’t mean take shit from folks or take on their problems).

It’s ok for someone to have a differing view than yours, it’s not ok to force someone to take that view on. You have every right to refuse to justify your experiences or existence to anyone.

Know when to walk away from a conversation with someone that isn’t open to hearing different perspectives, constantly asks for you to justify your answers or has an argument against every point you make.

Some people just aren’t worth that effort.

Bowie Stover Thinking Pose

Bowie Stover

Pronouns: they/them

My passion to help others through developing an active and healthy lifestyle, along with my desire to contribute as much as I can back to our queer community, has led me to co-found Non Gendered Fitness. To be a small part of your day that makes a HUGE impact on your life would be one of the most gratifying and rewarding experiences that I could hope to have.

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Non Binary Fitness Coach Bowie Stover kneeling with two kettlebells

Bowie Stover
Kettlebell and Movement Coach

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